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美國.洛杉磯

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Don't grow old, Anna.

陳真13/05/01

我住的房子有一大片花園,經常有校工來除草,所以它永遠整齊一致。我不想看這種整齊的花園,眼不見為淨,所以總是拉上所有窗簾,不見天日。

人的生命糟蹋完了,進而糟蹋動物,如果英國人管得到微風星星月亮太陽,我想,他們也會動手做一番「規劃」。

這兩天陽光強,在「耕田」的人來之前,已經四處冒出長短不一的許多「雜草」以及小花。

今天黃昏,園堶落茬\多鴿子,分頭在地上覓食。從我窗內看出去,靜無聲的一片薄暮,彷如夢境。

如果沒有這樣的夢,我們老早長大成人。

我有「地下社會」媕Y鬼新娘水底救夫婿的那首歌的許多種版本。Goran Bregovic 寫的最長的一個版本,將近七分鐘。寫給一個女生叫Anna;叫做 "Don't give up, Anna"give up what? 叫她不要長大。

如果不長大是不可能的話,那就不要太早熟吧。

如果沒記錯,今天是母親節,我想把歌詞一字一字抄下來,就像和我死去的媽媽講話那樣,希望她在那永恆的天,能夠安息,因為,她的小孩還是和從前一樣好、一樣單純、害羞。十年,多麼長的日子,但是,她的小孩還是一樣樸素笨拙,一點都沒有進步。不要長大、永遠當個乖小孩,是我所能為妳做的一切。

更希望另一個更為不幸、十多年不見的媽媽,在地球的某個角落,能少受點折磨。如果命運像個定時炸彈,my dearest Anna, 那就讓我們做好準備,一起承受那轟然一響。之後,一切都會歸於如往常一般的寂靜。

Don't give up, Anna.

Fight the years.

My Anna, with the different habits,

the different movements.

You had very good manners.

It was obvious that you belonged to another world.

But, you always tried your best

not to show off.

You did not scorn poverty

but it did not particularly fascinate you.

Everything about you was different.

Your room with the rare objects,

your letters, your presents...

For sure, you had a better taste than mine!

You were coming to find me.

My bed, your bosom....

Anna, little loose lady.

And underneath the windows the wet road,

the sound of the train, the dusk.

And my room, Anna,

hanging in the air,

like an orange.

Don't give up, Anna.

Where would you be now?

Who knows how you get by...

Where would you be now? Oh! How can you endure it?

Without having what you love

and without loving what you have...

You know, Anna, it was destiny

for the two of us to meet.

What would they know? How could the others know?

My little lover, of the same age.

Do you remember? A million moments,

moments that are gradually diminishing,

just as if they are looted by someone

in front of our eyes, every day.

In vain, I try to preserve them, in vain.

They flow silently

towards the vast sea.

So many years have gone by.

I no longer wear my college jacket

and find it hard to get used

to this tailored suit.

I don't scorn money

nor does it fascinate me in any particular way.

Mozart, Requiem, Agnus Dei, Yesterday.

Tonight I will come to your first dream.

Don't grow old Anna, don't grow old.

Lie to your husband.

Tear up the invitation, cancel the dinner.

Touch me, as you did then, with your knee

underneath the table.

Tonight, Anna.

In the best hotel.

Tonight.

In your first dream.

Don't give up, Anna.

Where would you be now?

Who knows how you get by....

Where would you be now? Oh! How can you endure it?

Without having what you love

and without loving what you have....

Don't grow old Anna, don't grow old.

Because then, I will have nobody and nothing

to keep me young.

All alone I still hang on here,

although it started to rain again,

as always does in the islands during October.

Remember?

A sea of lead and a sky of pine trees.

Faraway intermingled voices.

The voice of the mother, the friend, the daughter,

the brother, the lover, the ship's siren.

White clothes, hastily gathered,

just before the rain.

The light also disappeared with them.

A brief walk,

again....there....Next to the sea.

And then....the end, the end.

Don't give up, Anna.

 

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